You should have told him when you had the chance
by someonwithdreams
Summary: What would have happened if Donna just told Harvey she loved him, instead of kissing him? [set during and after 7.10]


What happened if Donna just told Harvey she loved him, instead of kissing him? [set during and after 7.10]

**This is the first time ever I wrote a fanfic. ****English is not my native language, so please ignore some grammar mistakes…**

After Louis held his emotional speech about his soulmate slipping away, Donna couldn't manage to collect her already shattered thoughts.

She needs something to hold on at that very moment. She chooses to lean against the windowsill and tries to think what just happened in her own mind when Louis said all these words. She knew he meant Sheila but she couldn't stop herself from thinking of the very one person that affects her life since the day they met at that bar.

She thought she's over him being still the reason why no relationship worked, why she couldn't attach to someone as much as she did attach to him. She thought it's finally time to move on, but life turns out the way it's suppose to and with all the mess that happened the past weeks the thought of him not being a part of her completely vanished. Hell, she thought of him and her being one more than ever. All the countless dreams. All the countless unspoken words. All the countless lost time.

He was seeing someone, she knew that, even though she refuse to believe it. She doesn't know how long she stayed there like she's seen a ghost but it felt like eternity.

When she thinks she could manage to move and make her way out of this office and firm the person she wasn't ready to see appeared on her door.

He walks in. „Good, you're still here. I have some ne-…" he says. Continued with a little worried voice „Donna, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.".

It was then when she turns her gaze from the floor to his eyes. She didn't realise she was crying while she was a prisoner of her own thoughts mere minutes ago.

She looks up at him, no clue what to say. He moved a little closer to her. Just a few feet between them.

He looks at her with a confused look. He asks again „Donna, what is it?".

She tries to form a proper sentence but can't put out one letter. She closes her eyes in the hope of getting a clearer mind. The second she opens her eyes he was staying even closer to her. He slowly moves his hand to her shoulder to comfort her. Even though they don't do the touch thing he thinks she needs someone right now to show her she isn't alone. But he didn't get the reaction he thought he would get. She shrugs his hand of from her shoulder and moves a little bit to the side, followed by her silence „No!". He is even more confused by her reaction than before.

„Donna, did something happen? Why aren't you saying anything?" Still trying to find a way to get something out of her.

After a few minutes of silence she speaks. Well, she tries to speak. The only thing she can get out of her mouth is a „I.. I can't…". She then just turns to her table takes her purse and is ready to leave when he suddenly catches her wrist. With that she turns around again to face him and speaks a little louder than she wanted to. „Harvey, just leave me alone, okay? I'm not in the mood tonight to talk about anything and the only thing I want to do right now is to go home!". The place his hand is placed starts to burn her skin. The second he removed his hand from her wrist she instantly feels the cold that takes over the place of the burning spot.

„Sorry, that I'm just curious why my colleague, my friend is sitting in her office, crying and looking like something bad happened. My bad!" he also speaks a little louder than he intends.

She whispers barely audible „Yeah, friend…" she looks down on her feet. He is looking at her with a questioning look and asks „What do you mean with ‚yeah friend'?".

She hates herself for saying that out loud. Nervousness starts taking over her whole body. She doesn't know what to answer to that and why she did say it out loud in the first place.

„Harvey, I don't think I can't do this anymore." she says above a whisper.

„What do you mean? Is your position as COO to-„ he is interrupted by her.

„It has nothing to do with work. But right, I don't expect you to get it."

„What the hell does that mean?" He asks a little bit too harsh.

„It means you're not going to be able to understand me, ever. Because it's easier to just ignore the fact that I'm trying so hard to open up to you but the second I do you're gone, choosing the chickens way out, going straight in someone else's arms!" she shouts.

Her emotions took over her brain and the second she realises what she just said she wants to throw herself out the window from the fiftieth floor.

„So it's about me and being in a relationship with someone, that clearly bothers you to death?" he asks.

„You still don't get it, don't you?" she scoffs. „The night I said I wanted more, I soon realised it wasn't just work related. After I've come to my senses and realised what I meant, you threw your relationship right in front of my face." she takes a little break and breaths in and out once more. „Harvey, you may be my colleague, but I can't pretend to be just your friend. Because it would be a lie, to you and me. I can't pretend that the feelings I have for you aren't true. But I love you. I always did. I never had the courage to say it out loud after you managed to shut me out of this topics every god damn time, but it's out now. So if you don't mind, I'm leaving because I can't stay here any longer."

She turns around and leaves. Leaving a frozen and paralysed Harvey behind her.

He can't manage to move. Her words cut him deep and put a cold coat around him. He feels like the temperature in the room sank the second she said those words. His whole body starts to shiver.

When he is back on earth he manages to walk to the elevator in the hope to catch her but she already left. The reason why he wanted to see Donna was a whole different reason, but the way the conversation turned out was so unexpected that he forgot what the actual reason was.

The elevator arrives and he jumps in, on his way home. Still left with a confused mind. Why now? Why did it happen when everything seemed to be okay between them? Why would she just throw those words at him and just leave without letting him say anything? And when she said she is leaving did she mean for tonight or forever? After leaving the lobby he moves towards his car and drives home for the night.

—

He enters his apartment. The lights are on and he is sure that he turned them off before leaving for work this morning. It's then, he realises that the one person he is not ready to face right now - with this state of mind - is sitting in his couch and waiting for him to come home.

He closes his eyes while moving a little bit to the centre of his apartment.

„What are you doing here?" he asks with a little annoyed tone.

„I thought we made a plan to spent some time tonight?." She asks confused by his not so happy face. „Is everything okay?" She asks again.

„Okay is not the word I would describe it."

She walks to him to wrap him in a hug and kiss him but he just takes a step back letting her stop at her spot.

„Okay, so you wanna tell me what happened, or..?"

„Or what? You will use your therapeutic senses to force it out of me?" he says with a harsh tone.

„Whats wrong with you?" She says with a loud tone.

„Apparently, everything is wrong with me." He close his eyes and the events of the night appear again. „Jeez, I'm sorry it's just.." He says a little calmer.

„Donna?" She says with a painful look in her eyes. „What happened?"

„She just told me that she loves me. And I know it's not fair to you but I think you were right. About me… being in love with her." he says mostly to himself.

She can't say anything because she knew sooner or later this conversation will come up. She blinks away some tears that start to form in the corner of her eyes.

„I'm sorry, Paula. But I don't know why I included you in my messy life at the first place. I never meant to hurt you, I swear." He states.

„I know. You're not the only guilty person here. I should've known sooner." She says with a sad voice. „So, I think I should leave. Take care of yourself, Harvey."

Before she leaves she turns around for the last time and says „You should tell her." And leaves him.

—

The second Donna arrives at home she throws her heels in one of the corner of her hallway and moves towards her living room. Placing her belongings on a couch, she picks up her favourite red wine and starts drinking it out of the bottle.

The liquor is the only thing that understands her state of emotions at that moment. She didn't realised she was crying all the way home when she started to feel a burning in her eyes.

She doesn't know how long she sits there but she knows that the bottle of wine is almost empty and she knows she needs a refill, in order to get through this night.

Lost in her thoughts she looks around her apartment. All the memories she had collected over the years that included him. She put on a sad smile.

At the very same spot she's sitting right now, the person whom she said she's in love with, once said the same thing to her. Both I love you's had the same ending. Leaving the person behind with a confused mind.

But was he in the same emotional rollercoaster after telling those words, like she is right now? Probably not.

Her thought are interrupted by three knocks on her door. She doesn't want to believe it is him but she knows that this only could be him. A look on the watch says it's almost 2 am, means it's five hours after the heavy confession in her office happened.

He knocks again. This time just two knocks. She moves slowly towards her door and put her hand on the doorknob. Breathes in and out for the last time before opening the door.

The door opens and they look at each other. Let their minds and eyes speak instead of really speaking to each other.

The first person to break the silence is Donna.

„What are you doing here, Harvey? It's late." she says.

„I know, but I couldn't stay at home so I took a walk and found myself in front of your door."

„You couldn't stay at home because you couldn't look at that person in the eyes and tell her the truth, right? So you thought you just go out and come over here. Well for your inf-…" she couldn't finish her sentence because of the weights of his lips resting on hers. She can't move. She is just standing there, neither responding to his kiss, nor doing anything. Then she realises it's a mistake and pushes him away and taking a step back.

„What do you think you are doing?" she shouts.

„We call that kissing someone." trying to loosen the tension between them. But it made it even worse and he realises it after he sees her face turn even more angrier than before. „Wait, I didn't meant to make a joke out of it. I.. I don't know why I did it but I did."

„You can't just kiss me! And you're with someone. Of all people you should know that this is wrong!" . The taste of his lips mixed with the red wine on her lips distracts her thoughts and she tries to fight the urge inside her to not lick the taste of him of her own lips.

„Maybe I can't just kiss you. But what I did is not wrong when there is no third person in the picture."

„What do you mean?" she speaks a littler calmer. Her eyes focused on his.

„It means that I'm not in a relationship anymore." he says. „And no, it has nothing to do with you." answering her unasked question.

„Still, it doesn't give you the right to appear on my door in the middle of the night and just kiss me." she counters. A little relieved, that he isn't in a relationship anymore, even though she wouldn't ever admit it.

„Are you going to leave the fi- _me_?" he asks out of the blue.

„Why would you say something like that?" she asks back.

„Because you said you can't stay here any longer." he looks down on his feet and the thought of her leaving made his view blurry because of the tears that starts to form in his eyes.

Donna lets out a chuckle. She looks up at him and says „I meant I'm going home for the night because I couldn't stay in that office right in front of you at that moment. I didn't mean I'm going to leave forever."

With one last step she closes the gap between them until there is just a few inch left. She slowly moves her right hand to his cheek and starts caressing it until he finally opens his eyes to meet hers.

She can't hold it back anymore and pushes herself up on her toes to reach his lips. Now, it was his time to get attacked with a soft kiss. A soft kiss that turned to a passionate kiss. A kiss that tries to make up for the lost thirteen years of not touching each other.

They part to take a break and breath in some air. Harvey turns back to close the door, because there are still standing with an open door neither inside her apartment, nor outside the hallway.

When he steps back she thinks he is going to leave so she says with a devastated look „Where are you going? Do you regret it?"

He turns around again his hand on the doorknob. „No, Donna. I'm just closing the door. I don't want an audience consisting of your neighbours while we doing…" He moves with his finger between him and her „…this."

„And for the record. I don't regret anything I've done the last minutes, hours. And I won't regret the things I'm going to do next."

After he closed the door he steps back to her and puts his hands on her cheeks and starts drawing small circles on them with his thumbs. She leans into his touch and closes her eyes.

„I didn't had a chance to tell you that, because you left and I was like paralysed, but I love you too. I've never stop loving you and I don't think I will stop anytime soon." With that end of the sentence he kisses her again and both knew that this night is going to be a long night, and a night with a new beginning.


End file.
